I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
