i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
