I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
