He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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