i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
