Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
