i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
