I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
