I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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