she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she told me i tasted like america
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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