What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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