I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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