i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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