turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
