The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
