and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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