How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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