look no pants
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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