The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
