Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
