I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
