Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
