I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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