I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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