You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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