And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
