I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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