Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
