I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
