At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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