the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
