And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
PANTIES FOUND
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