her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
