wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
