Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
