While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
