Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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