I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
