its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
