i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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