smell my finger.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
