We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
