I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
