Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
