i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
