Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
