You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Define "chronic" masturbator.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
