dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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