i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I will be naked everywhere
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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