I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
