i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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