she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
