I have demons in me.
honey bunches of taint.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
