he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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