I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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