franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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