dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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