you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
