we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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