In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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