Is it because I queefed?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
