Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
