Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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