Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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