I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
is that a dick in a sweater?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
