I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
