i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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