I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
