We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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